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 Picard: "Captain's
log, stardate 41209.2: We are running at Warp 7 to
rendezvous with the science vessel S.S. Tsiolkovsky,
which has been routinely monitoring the collapse of a
red super giant star into a white dwarf. What has
brought us here is a series of strange messages
indicating something has gone wrong aboard the research
vessel." |
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 Tsiolkovsky crewmember:
"Well hello Enterprise, welcome! I hope you have a lot
of pretty boys on board, because I'm willing - and
waiting. In fact we're going to have a real blow-out
here." |
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 Data: "Indications of what
humans would call a wild party?"
Riker: "Yeah. Their bridge. If this thing works
be sure to record everything."
Riker: "You were right, someone blew out the
hatch. They were all sucked out into space."
Data: "Correction, Sir. That's 'blown out'."
Riker: "Thank you, Data."
Data: "A common mistake, Sir." |
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 Picard: "Captain's log,
supplemental: We are downloading the research
information gathered on the collapsing star nearby. I am
concerned at being in such close orbit, but the
Tsiolkovsky's research records will no doubt predict the
time of the star's final collapse." |
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 Crusher: "If you were any
more perfect, Data, I'd have to write you up in a
Starfleet Medical Textbook"
Data: "I am already listed in several
bio-mechanical texts, Doctor."
Crusher: "Yes, of course." |
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 Riker: "Data! I need help
in locating some library computer information."
Data: "Specific, Sir?"
Riker: "All I have is a vague memory of reading
somewhere about someone taking a shower in his or her
clothing."
Data: "Ah! The body Geordie discovered!"
Riker: "I believe it may have happened before."
Data: "To someone, somewhere."
Riker: "This ought to be easy for someone written
up in bio-mechanical texts." |
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 Picard: "Attention all
decks, all divisions: Effective immediately, I have
handed over control of this vessel to Acting Captain
Wesley Crusher."
Picard: "'Acting Captain'?"
Wesley: "Thank you, Captain Picard, thank you.
And with that order dawns a brave new day for the
Enterprise." |
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 Picard: "Captain's log,
stardate 41209.3: The strange contaminant that led to
the deaths of the Tsiolkovsky crew is now aboard the
Enterprise. And our engineering section has been
commandeered by young Wesley Crusher." |
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 Data: "There was a rather
peculiar limerick being delivered by someone in the
shuttlecraft bay. I am not sure I understand it: 'There
was a young lady from Venus, whose body was shaped like
a..."
Picard: "Captain to security, come in!"
Data: "Did I say something wrong?"
Worf: "I don't understand their humor, either." |
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 Data: "Captain Picard
ordered me to escort you to sickbay, Lieutenant."
Yar: "Did he say when?"
Data: "I'm sure he meant now. So you should get
into uniform."
Yar: "But I got OUT of my uniform for you, Data.
Do you know how old I was when I was abandoned?"
Data: "Chronological age? No, I am afraid I am
not familiar with..."
 Yar:
"Five. Five years old, but I survived. I learned how to
stay alive, how to avoid the rape gangs. I was fifteen
before I escaped."
Data: "I am sorry. I did not know..."
Yar: "And what I want now is gentleness. And joy.
And love. From you, Data. You are fully functional,
aren't you?"
Data: "Of course, but..."
Yar: "How fully?"
Data: "In every way, of course. I am programmed
in multiple techniques, a broad variety of
pleasuring..."
Yar: "Oh, you jewel, that's exactly what I
hoped!" |
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 Picard: "Captain's log,
supplemental: It is no longer an inconvenient childish
prank. Young wesley Crusher, admittedly a victim of the
Tsiolkovsky infection, is now in control of my starship." |
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 Picard: "Ah, good, Data! At
least you're functioning."
Data: "Fully, Captain."
Picard: "Data, intoxication is a human condition.
Your brain is different. It's not the same as..."
Data: "We are more alike than unlike, my dear
Captain. I have pores, humans have pores. I have
fingerprints, humans have fingerprints. My chemical
nutrients are like your blood. If you prick me, do I not
... leak?" |
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 Picard: "Worf, you know
what to do. Take us uh . . . "
Riker: "Take us out of here!"
Picard: "Right." |
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 Engineer: "Bridge from
engineering."
Riker: "The star is still collapsing!"
Riker: "We're directly in the path . . . "
Engineer: "I can't help you, bridge. Someone here
has yanked out all the control chips."
Wesley: "It was an adult who did it!" |
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 Riker: "Ship's log, First
Officer Riker: Enterprise will be destroyed unless it
can be moved out of the path of a star material hurtled
toward us. Our only hope is for Lieutenant Commander
Data in the time we have left to regain his senses and
reconnect engine power to the bridge." |
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 LaForge: "Captain!
Something seemed to move us aside at the last minute."
Worf: "Do we owe our thanks to Commander Data,
Sir?"
Picard [via intercomm]: "Yes, and Wesley may have
given us a few seconds, too."
Worf: "Did he say 'Wesley'? The boy?"
Crusher: "He said 'wesley'." |
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 Yar: "Data, I'm only going
to tell you this just once: It never happened." |
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 Picard: "I put it to you
all: I think we shall end up with a fine crew...if we
avoid temptation." |
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