Episode Audio Clips

TREKCORE > TNG > EPISODES > THE OUTRAGEOUS OKONA > Audio Clips

Below are high quality audio caps from this episode presented in mp3 format. Please let us know if we've missed a favorite quote of yours from this episode and we'll try and add it!  Many thanks to Kyle C. Haight for these files!
 
Picard: "Captain's Log, Stardate 42402.7. We are traveling in the Omega Sagitta system, traversing between the twin planets that form the Coalition of Madena. Both worlds are populated by a humanoid race which colonized the planets two centuries ago and which now coexist under a precarious but successful treaty."
 
Okona: "Well now, have you seen any good looking computers lately? ... that's a joke, it's funny."
Data: "Oh, of course it is!" (Data "laughs")
Data: "I do not understand."
Okona: "You don't know what a joke is?"
Data: "Of course I do. It is a witticism, a gag, a bon mot, a fluctuation of words concluding in a "trick" ending..."
Okona: "That's the dictionary definition. I'm talking about humor! Do you know what funny is?"
Guinan: "Why? Because you're a droid, and I'm a noid."
Data: "But why?"
Guinan: "Because that's what I am."
Data: "Have I said something to offend you?"
Guinan: "No."
Data: "Then why are you annoyed?"
Guinan: "Because you're a droid and I'm a - noid."
Data: "Humanoid?"
Guinan: "Yes."
Data: "You told a joke?"
Guinan: "Yes!"
Data: "I am not laughing."
Guinan: "Yes!!"

Comic: "Haaaaa"
Data: "Haa"
Comic: "No, you're so higghhhh"
Data: "HaaHiiiii"
(various unintelligable "funny" sounds follow)
Data: (with teeth in) "That is considered..." (takes teeth out) "That is considered to be funny?"
Comic: "See, there's a travelling salesman now. And he's going down the road and his car breaks down, right?"
Data: "Access faster"
(We have slowed the following down so you can hear what the Comic actually says, in real time!)
Comic: "So it's probably best when you do something like this, he's using a little cigar, because it's kind of a prop-kind-of-thing, that you gotta go like this - this is good too - you gotta go like this..."
Data: "Faster. Move to maximum speed."
(Again, we slow the following section down to real time)
Comic: "...You can tell a joke... like a... like err, there's a Jewish guy, there was a Greek guy, and there was an Irish guy. They die, they go to heaven, right. And they're up there, and they're at Saint Peter's gate, and they don't wanna die. They wanna hang out on Earth. So they go to Saint Peter, 'Give me one more chance on Earth, over there, on Earth. If you can just give me one more chance on Earth, we won't do anything bad.' Saint Peter says, 'One nasty thing... if you guys do one nasty thing, Pooft, you're gone. Pooft, you're gone, that's it. One nasty thought and you're gone.' So, Saint Peter sends the Greek guy, the Jewish guy and the Irish guy down to Earth. So he's walking.. they're walking down the street, there's a bar. The Irish guy, **, go into the bar, pooft he disappears, just like that. Well, a forty-dollar bill goes rolling down the hill..."
Unedited version of the above scene:
Comic: "See, there's a travelling salesman now. And he's going down the road and his car breaks down, right?"
Data: "Access faster"
Data: "Faster. Move to maximum speed."
Data: "Guy walks into the Doctor's office. The Doctor tells him, 'You need an operation'. The guy says 'I want a second opinion.' The Doctor says 'OK, you're ugly too!' Buddum-dum."
Guinan: "Data, you spoil the joke. It could have been your timing."
Data: "My timing is digital."
Data: "A monk, a clone and a Ferengi decided to go bowling together."
(Comm chirp)
Picard: (over comm) "Commander Data, report to the main bridge immediately."
Worf: "They are now locking lasers on us."
Riker: "Lasers?"
Worf: "Yes, sir."
Picard: "Lasers can't even penetrate our navigation shields. Don't they know that?"
Riker: "Regulations do call for a yellow alert."
Picard: "Mmm, a very old regulation. Well, make it so, Number One. And reduce speed, drop main shields as well."
Riker: "May I ask why, sir?"
Picard: "In case we decide to surrender to them, Number One!"
Worf: "Another glob fly."
Riker: "Glob fly?"
Data: "A Klingon fly: half the size of an Earth mosquito, with no sting and a buzzing sound like this:..."
Picard: "Data, viewer on."
Okona: "Captain, you can't be afraid of those two, or what they can do to your ship."
Picard: "No. They could fire until their lasers ran dry and they wouldn't hurt the Enterprise."
Picard: "Captain's Log, supplemental. Some of the mystery surrounding this ancient morality play we've been dragged into has been revealed. One of Captain Okona's pursuers is an outraged father with a heartfelt, if arcane, sense of righteousness."
Comic: "The funny man of the stars, the android of antics, that Lieutenant Commander of mirth - please give him a nice welcome, ladies and gentlemen. None other than - he's just the best - Data."


Data: "Good Evening, Ladies and Germs!"

Data: "I come from a town so small, we had a fraction for a zip code!"

Data: "It was so small in fact, we didn't have a godfather of crime, we had a nephew."
Data: "I was so ugly as a child they hung a pork chop around my neck!..."
(Laughter interrupts and continues)
Data: "...so the dog would play with me."
(More laughter)
Data: "And then there was the human cannonball..."
(More laughter)
Data: "...that was hired and fired in the same night?"
(Laughter continues)
Yanar: "I do love you. It is your child, our child."
Benzan: "Marry me."
Yanar: "Yes."
Benzan: "We'll find a new planet to live on."
Kushell: "You'll live on Straleb!"
Debin: "No, no, no, no. You'll live on Atlec."
Kushell: "I will not have this man raising my grandson."
Picard: "The rest of this is an issue, gentlemen, to be settled between yourselves."
Wesley: "Say goodbye, Data."
Data: "Goodbye, Data."
Data: "Ah! Burns and Allen - Roxy Theatre, New York City, 1932: it still works. Then, there was the one about the girl in the nudist colony, that nothing looked good on."
Worf: "We're ready to get underway, sir."
Data: "Take my Worf, please!"
Riker: "Warp speed, sir?"
Picard: "Please."